January 31, 2012

They say that the first day is the hardest—it’s true, it’s always the hardest because you get the actual feeling of how it feels to be without that person. I don’t know how to feel really, upset? Angry? Or happy? A part of me thinks that maybe it’s good we stopped because maybe it’s good that I am not with someone who doesn’t appreciate me; it’s good that we ended things before I had truly invested much more. Another part of me, feels so lost and hurt that we are no longer “us.” I’m not sure why you would feel the need to be apart from me when you know that you miss me, love me, and care about me so much. I don’t know why you would let me go when you should be fighting for me to stay. I wanted so much for you to ask me to stay because you wanted me to be here. I wanted so much for you to apologize for the terrible things you said and tell me how much I mean to you so I wouldn’t leave. Why do you always let me go when things get hard? Shouldn’t you be holding on to me tighter? I don’t know what our paths will come to in the end or even if they’ll run together anymore. I wanted you to text or call me last night and just tell me you missed me. I wanted you to stop me from leaving when I told you I was leaving. I wanted you to tell me you need me in your life, that you’d do anything to make me stay—but you didn’t. And I think that’s what hurts the most, when the person that should be holding on to you, decides to let you go like sand through their fingers. Truth is, I’m walking away slowly because I want to give you more and more chances but are you going to take that chance again? Because I won’t be here forever..