January 31, 2012 (2)

Sometimes, I feel perfectly fine without you—I don’t know if it’s my confidence that you’ll be back or if it’s me accepting that I’ve given up already. But then there’s just moments where I would remember so many things between us that felt so right, and I would start to break down. I would feel the need to cry and my eyes would become watery. I would feel like I’m missing so much in my life without you. I wonder if it’s the same for you—I wonder if you’re even thinking about me. Do you wish that you could hear my voice? Do you wish we could go back? Do you wish that we weren’t silent? I do. I woke up this morning, and the first thing on my mind was you. I began to think about you and what you were doing today. I don’t know why, but no matter how hard I try to forget or push you out of my head, you always seem to crawl back in. I don’t know when things started getting so confusing for me, but I no longer know how I feel. If I ask my heart, I want you to come back. I want you so badly to tell me that you’re sorry. But if I ask my mind—the logical mind—I feel that I should let go, because, what am I waiting for? Someone who lets me go when things get hard? Or someone who has to realize what it feels like to not have me, in order to appreciate me? It’s weird how I can feel so alright without you, yet so hurt without you. I wonder if you’re having a hard time like me, are you? Do you wish you could hear my voice once more? Do miss my bothersome texts? Nagging? Surprises? Because, truth is, I miss you so much and it’s only been 24 hours.