February 01, 2012

At some point in the day, I feel alright without you. I feel that my heart doesn’t hurt anymore; that you’re just pure memories; that you’re seriously nothing more than just a person to me. I feel like things were maybe better this way, but then there’s times where I would feel so sad without you. It feels like a part of me is kind of missing; maybe it’s because I gave you the biggest piece of my heart. After being cold and distrusting to everyone around me, you were the first person I had actually tried to not be cold for; you were the first person I wanted to care about and fight for. Does it matter in the end though? How much I sacrificed? In the end, I don’t know why I tried so hard for someone who didn’t even pull me back when I walked away. I tried and gave up so much space in my heart for someone who can’t even give me a part of his. Thoughts like this, make me believe you’re not worth it to me in any way. But then I think about everything, all the hardships we had, all the memories we shared, all the feelings we had—everything—and it all comes back to me being upset about how you’re not here anymore. I’m not sure why I haven’t made up my mind when it’s clear that I should let go. I’m not sure why I keep thinking, that maybe, just maybe, you’ll do something extraordinary and maybe.. for once, you’ll choose me. Silly that I keep waiting for something that isn’t coming back to me again. It’s silly for me to hope that you’re missing me when you probably aren’t. You say that you don’t want to keep hurting me, but can’t you tell that the thing that hurts me the most is when you leave? The thing that hurts me the most isn’t all these little problems we have, it’s the fact that you’d rather walk away than to ask me to stay. It’s the fact that you don’t even stop me from leaving. What hurts the most, is when you keep walking out on me when I just want you to stay so badly.